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Bad (and good) Jokes corner

Posted by onyx 
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Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
April 20, 2010 01:08AM
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
May 08, 2010 11:53PM
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
May 13, 2010 12:02PM
Being 64 years young I feel I can post this with some degree if impunity. Maybe not he said ducking for cover.Happy DanceHysterical


Girls Night Out

A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for
dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the waiters there were good looking.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at
the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine
selection was good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at
the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet
and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at
the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible
and they even had an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at
the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
May 13, 2010 04:53PM
I totally love that joke Eric! and sent it to my 78 year old mom, who is going to ADORE it and send it to all her friends.
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
May 23, 2010 03:21AM
I love it - will "share" with my awesome RC neighbor
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
May 23, 2010 01:38PM
This isn't a joke but it is cute and truthful

Children's Church got done early so they took the kids into the sanctuary till church was over. Before going in the teacher said, "Who knows why we have to be very quiet when we go into the sanctuary?" Their son said, "Because people are sleeping in there..."

News flash:
God is not angry with you. He loves you.
If you don't believe that,
or think it's too good to be true,
or that I'm making it up - ask Him! smiling smiley
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
May 23, 2010 03:31PM
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
June 13, 2010 01:28PM
Dangers of Casual E-Mailing

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter on the address and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a loud scream, and fell to the floor in a faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room, and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE:
JUST GOT CHECKED IN.
EVERYTHING IS PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.


P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE...

News flash:
God is not angry with you. He loves you.
If you don't believe that,
or think it's too good to be true,
or that I'm making it up - ask Him! smiling smiley
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
June 14, 2010 12:25AM
Laughing

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
- Lenny Bruce
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
July 07, 2010 07:37PM
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
July 11, 2010 12:05AM
Thought this was cute. One of my in the box relatives sent it to me.

There was a little old lady, who every morning stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD!'

One day an atheist moved into the house next door.
He became irritated at the little old lady.
Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: 'THERE IS NO LORD!'

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this
Way every day.

One morning, in the middle o f winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!

The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.

'PRAISE THE LORD!' she cried out.. 'HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!'

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges
And shouted:
'THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!'

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!'

News flash:
God is not angry with you. He loves you.
If you don't believe that,
or think it's too good to be true,
or that I'm making it up - ask Him! smiling smiley



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/11/2010 12:09AM by dogwoodflwr.
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
July 17, 2010 08:51PM
Haha good one

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
- Lenny Bruce
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 20, 2010 07:27AM
Not really a joke, but perhaps this may amuse a few - genealogist for a start!

[www.appletree.com]
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 20, 2010 08:11AM
Not really a joke but it made me smile

If you translate microwave into welsh it's popty ping

wouldn't you just love a language that made that much sense
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 21, 2010 06:59AM
Rofl I guess Dad has a sense of humor when it come to "little old ladies"

lh
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 21, 2010 09:56AM
Huh? Little old ladies? Hmmmm Wot you on about LH ?

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
- Lenny Bruce
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 21, 2010 10:00AM
A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the "uppity". Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, "I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church."

The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, "Did you get a different answer?"

The man replied, "Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet."

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
- Lenny Bruce
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 21, 2010 10:05AM
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon; with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
- Lenny Bruce
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 21, 2010 03:14PM
Let's dive in!!!!!

W.I.P. (Work in Progress)
Learning to Live LOVED
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 21, 2010 03:46PM
Rofl Party at the River!!! BYOG!! (glass) smileys with beer
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 21, 2010 11:30PM
You KNOW I'm there.

ok here's another good/bad joke, sorta,

SUCCESS:
At age 4, success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12, success is . . . . Having friends
At age 17, success is . . . . Having a driver's license
At age 35, success is . . . . Having money
At age 50, success is . . . . Having money
At age 70, success is . . . . Having a drivers license
At age 75, success is . . . . Having friends
At age 80, success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 21, 2010 11:46PM
Those last few were great. *giggle*

News flash:
God is not angry with you. He loves you.
If you don't believe that,
or think it's too good to be true,
or that I'm making it up - ask Him! smiling smiley
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 23, 2010 03:45AM
Hey T7 forget the glass, bring a mug. We Canadians are so elegant. smiling smiley
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
August 24, 2010 10:40AM
Glass, mug, bucket, whatever!! Lets just show up and SHARE!!! Big Hug!
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
October 01, 2010 01:51PM
I want you all to know that I have recently joined a religious organization that sells cosmetics "door to door"...

We are the Jojobas Witnesses <cracking self up>
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
October 01, 2010 06:32PM
@Indy46220
Now that's funny!
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
October 01, 2010 10:39PM
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
October 01, 2010 11:00PM
Three Christians go into a bar......

The reality is one goes into the bar and shares in the beautiful brokeness of Christ and humanity the other Christians?
1's too busy with meetings and the others too scared he won't be able to protect the god he believes in.

Sorry not a funny

Living Loved Loving Life
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
October 01, 2010 11:56PM
And the first one gets called a backslider. go figure.
Re: Bad (and good) Jokes corner
October 02, 2010 10:19AM
So true!
If they only knew what Jesus got up to!!!!

Living Loved Loving Life
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